I keep on getting lost in all these moments of confusion

I keep on thinking my thoughts over and over and believe them. I sense pain and something that isn’t helping, but is it true? Is it true what I think? Am I lost? Am I doing everything wrong? What is true? 

I think it, I say it. I hear it talking. Around me, there is nothing of pain. It is only inside. I see it everywhere as long as I hold on to it. 

My face starts to run over by the waterfalls of tears. I know I have to get out. Get up. Get away from it all. I rush downstairs from my room to the hallway. I take my dog with me and start walking. It is cold but it doesn’t hold me back. There is nothing more controlling now than my thoughts. 

I start breathing more deeply. I need to keep on going until it fades. I keep on walking and talking it out. I say everything that hurts. It all rushes over me and flows around me. I take a deep breath and hear all the voices talking. They are going on and on and on. 

I say more and more, and all the pain and the confusion are set free. I look up in the sky. The sky is dark, but on my own, I am not lonely. I close my eyes for a moment, and now the voices fade. I am okay. I am okay. I know what held me down. I see how they keep on holding me down. I know the way they will feed on me. 

Tears keep on coming and the weight is lifted. I can move again. I go and run and yell all of the last pieces out. All is found and I stop and look up again. I am good. I am okey. I know it isn’t that big anymore. 

My feet keep on walking and I keep on going. I cry and cry it all out. 

When I come back home, I know I am okey. I take one more breath and know sometimes things are too much. Then you need to get out and look at it from afar like a birds eye view. 

Getting lost in the moments happening around us is human. Not seeing what truly happened. What is real and what is imagined? What do I see and what do I feel? Our memories influence our unconscious actions. We speak before we think and shout unnecessary things. We run from pain and see no exit. We become blind to the moments. Blind to the little things. The pain that comes up when we are tired. The impatience you feel when things aren't clear. The powerlessness when others speak with words you don't understand. Breathe in, breathe out. Take your time and see. Look. Feel. What is really happening here? Is it important, or is it a trigger and a response to pain? At the moment, it isn't always easy. But you can always come back to it.

Thank you for staying.

If you are curious, you can buy the artwork here