A Beginning
A Beginning acrylic painting on canvas
What if I am scared of each step I take towards my dream life? What if when I think of all the beautiful things I want to experience, I think I want to but if it is even the right time? I wonder for moments about timing and crumble in frightening sensations. I see the beauty, but I fear if it even is meant for me. Is it the right thing to do? Am I just imagining a dream that is not mine? Because I am not that great, I don’t even have a style. Do I not need to do something more practical, that can actually help someone? Because art doesn’t really help make problems go away or fix something. Even though I kept on criticising and doubting what I love to do, I still made art.
When the thoughts came I talked with them about my doubt of art. It was always the same conversation. The years went by and something shifted. I did more meditations and read more about mindfulness and spirituality. After some time I thought again about my dream. I wanted to try and take steps. Still, I was frightened, but also excited and full of curiosity. I wanted it more than not living a bit with my passion. So I started again. After years of neglecting art and taking myself seriously. I picked up my brushes and paint. I remembered the way I used to push myself in a direction that wasn’t working. So this time I closed my eyes and looked within. No more pushing. No more trying to do it in a way that does not align. Slowly very slowly something came into my mind. Flowers and flowing shapes. I tried to make it clear, But when I tried too hard it faded, So I took a breath and waited. It became clearer. I picked up colours and it became a reality. I was shocked. This time my process was way more flowing even though it was slower than I wanted.
As I looked upon my creation I thought about a new beginning. This message came to my mind.
The moment of taking a new path. The moment of vulnerability. Everything is new and unknown. Sometimes immensely frightening. Anything is possible, and everything can go anywhere. A moment of choices and a moment of letting go. Fears can come up and take control of our thoughts and actions, but we have a choice. If we step back and take a minute. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Everything is good. We'll get where we need to be in the end. Where we focus our attention, will always be the beginning of the rest of our life. That's where your strength lies. What you work for, learn, try, fall and get up. That shapes your life. That brings you where you shine the most.
Thank you for staying. Keep on wandering and keep on growing.
