Accept the flow

Accept the flow, acrylic painting.        1 × 1 m

Am I letting go? Am I trusting in the great unknown. Do I spread my wings to fly, or do I remain on the ground. Waiting for a wind to take me away. Only the wind was there already. My wings catch the wind, but I must dare to let go. Looking out over the horizons of opportunities. I can only trust in what I know now. My wings are open wide, ready for what comes. I can soar and fly above it all. I can recognize the gold inside of us all. The light from within can find me again. I sense a freedom so close. I only need to accept the flow.

This painting was a challenge. It started with an idea totally different than this. 

There was this canvas, very big, standing in a corner of the room. It kept staring at me, but not a single idea I had was big enough for that space. They are just better suited to a smaller canvas or panel. 

This time, I had an idea, but when I stood before the canvas, it didn't feel right anymore. I froze. My mind flooded with ideas, but also talk. This is not it or maybe this could be it? I drowned in my head, the ideas were still blurry. 

Something came up and when I confirmed it, it became clearer. Wings on the back of a person and a dark background. Possibly blue and black. I didn’t have any story or feeling, so getting in the flow was more challenging this time. 

I tried closing my eyes envisioning the work with emotion and let myself be open for anything to come through. Nothing came. I could not wait any more, so I made an underpainting and started researching the backs of different people. 

I looked on Pinterest and made pictures of my own poses. This was again something I had never tried. Even though the idea was there. There was not a completely sharp image of the movement of the muscles in my mind. After a while, I thought I had it, but while I started building the shapes, I constantly looked at my references. 

Wings, and wings and more wings. I was hoping for a variety of images, but ultimately, one really caught my eye. I painted only the highlights in yellow and used just a tiny bit of Van Duijck Brown. It was going so well, but then I arrived at the second one. 

I started out so excited which made me paint it way too big. The movement was off as well. It was almost funny. I started again and thought this is it, but then I stood back and it wasn't. Now I could cry. It was challenging to even get this far.

I sat and stared at my work. My emotions were building up, I needed to get out. I walked out of the door and went on a walk, but my mind stayed on the painting. When I was back, I sat down again. I could maybe measure it and use a mirrored picture. That was possibly the only working idea left. 

I used chalk and a string to make straight lines. Slowly very slowly, I created the second wing.

Then one moment I finished. I couldn’t believe it. Did I really paint all of the feathers? Did I not just miss one? I scanned the wings for mistakes, but I did paint all of it. I just had to increase the opacity of the yellow in a few areas. 

The background allowed me to play a little bit more. Some more blue and some more black. It was freeing to be able to just go with the flow. Only the edges left to do and my signature. 

This was definitely not something I had in mind. I created something I didn't meditate on or write about. So making the story took also some more days. Nothing worked, just somehow I got into the flow while trying to get in the flow. I felt it and I couldn't stop. Then it vanished, as fast as it came. I noticed I took a deep breath and felt the flood of emotions slowly fade away.

Sometimes things don’t go to plan, but there are always surprises around the corner. We may get even better things than we could imagine. There is magic in this not knowing.

Thank you for staying. Keep wondering and discovering you.

If you are curious, you can buy the artwork here