Getting started is the biggest challenge.
For me right now. A list of wishes and ideas in my head is almost clear, but starting is and remains a challenge. The words that come into my head are often more negative or oppressive than I would like. The pattern is something that has seemed common all my life.
I thought that voice was me because
it
appears to be very convincing.
Less than a month ago, I realized that the negative voice in my head is not the same as my intuition. Or as who I actually am. Why would your highest, most loving version behave like this? Why would you, if you are yourself without fear and judgment, act like that to yourself? That's not right, is it? When you really are who you want to be. Full of love, passion, and attention for your magical moments, you embrace yourself. Then you will not belittle yourself. You take responsibility with love and look at the things that are going well. You don't emphasize your mistakes. You take time for your lessons and see that taking one step is sometimes really enough. Yet it seems to me that those moments fade more into the background. The things that need to be different, better, faster, and more beautiful, take up the most space in my mind. I let it take up space.
That's not necessary. That is no longer necessary. I can move forward. I can learn. I may try. I get to choose. I can change. Everything always changes. I can grow. I am allowed to love. I am love. When I completely let go of myself at the moment, I experience an energy of love and openness that gives me so much freedom. I notice that the words in my head indicate that this is different. This freedom doesn't happen often. This is a moment that sometimes happens, but cannot always be created. My mind is already thinking of reasons to run away. To collapse and see it as pure luck. Something I can't control. But I have eyes. Own eyes. I have a body. I have a mind to think with. To learn and try. If I can learn new things, I can also learn to look different. I can learn to look at positivity. It's a choice. My choice.
Every step is a step. So from now on, instead of just focusing only on the steps, I will also focus on what is going on inside of me at the moment. What do I say to myself when I make a choice? What do I say to myself when I procrastinate? What do I say if I do something different than expected? What do I say when I do something I don't really want to do? Because everything I say to myself becomes a pattern. Similar thoughts and feelings will arise in similar situations. If I want to change that, I have to influence my dialogue. Otherwise, that undesirable feeling will continue to arise in situations that actually have nothing to do with that feeling or those thoughts.
For me, procrastination has always gone hand in hand with anxiety. I can let that go. Now that I want to take steps every time and experience new things, I am going to learn not to make everything so difficult. I'm going to follow what feels right. I know that very well. I can adjust my choices, but I can also just try things without knowing everything before I start. I'm just not prepared for everything.
