Learning, boundaries, and asking questions
Lately, I have discovered new things about myself. One of them was a boundary that I felt but often pushed away.
I was talking to a friend, and she said: "Are you going to make a list and put everything on it that we need to bring along? If you have any recipes, please send them to me. Then I can make something too. If you have a recipe only you can make, I understand why you make it yourself. But send me some ideas too.” She sounded so positive on the phone. I was so excited, but suddenly felt a feeling arise. Something said: "It wasn't right." I didn't understand my feelings. Partly because I immediately focused again on the conversation instead of myself. We said “bye” to each other and hung up.
The conversation turned to a picnic. Only now, I had to figure everything out. I had no clarity, and I couldn't just cook now. The restlessness took over me all evening. I still had to make the list and make dinner, and then maybe I could do something for myself in the evening... That's what I thought. I didn't finish until 10 p.m. My choice to make the brownies was clear, but making the list and choosing recipes for her was too much. I just didn't realize it properly.
Only later, after we had the successful picnic and I was back home, I thought of the feeling. I had a conversation with my mother about it. I had settled my face into a certain expression. She asked if I was disappointed, but I wasn't. I was just exhausted. Completely exhausted. Pretty crazy because we just sat and had a picnic. Then I explained that she hadn't made anything and that she initially wanted to do it. I was a little late with the recipes, but I shouldn't have to do that. She said she would look into it, which she literally did.
I told Mom about the list and she said, “Oh, that's why you were so restless… ” Yeah, I didn't tell.” She said: “If I knew I would have said something…” I felt a bit clumsy and thought for a moment because somewhere I had had a strange gut feeling. As I thought back, the feeling came back, only this time I listened to it. Oh, that's it. I felt a limit. I didn't want to do all that, and I took it all on myself anyway. That sense of responsibility again. I should have said I thought about it for a moment, but that's for next time.
Together, we talked about what I could do another time. At least I can listen to the feeling, because it was wrong. Taking over everything is also not convenient. Indicating that you are also curious about what she comes up with to make is also a good plan.
You often feel boundaries coming. Your body will tell you. Maybe, like a feeling in your stomach or somewhere else. Or you hear a soft voice. If, you give yourself the time to listen to it. Don't go too fast, you don't have to. Take your time and listen to your inner self.
